Me, Dieting, Low Carb and the LC Web

It's become apparent to me from various comments made about me elsewhere on the web that many have no idea where I'm coming from or what motivates me.  Realize that I can't possibly put in a short "about me" blurb everything, and I'm not the only blogger out there who hasn't paid much attention to whether that says all we think it should in an up to date manner.  

There's been some rather humorous comments over on Peter/Hyperlipid's Gourmand Rats post.  Apparently some think I'm a front for some community project on behalf of the interests of Big Agro.  Golly gee!  One particularly imaginative fella, who has probably spent too much time in the company of his dog rather than humans, has spun a tale of unrequited love for GT.  I dunno about the rest of you ladies, but really, Gary's just not my type. He's more the type I spent my single years fending off advances from.  For what that's worth ...  But I never heard of the man until after I'd lost my weight, and I'll take credit for doing that thankyouverymuch.  The number of people worshiping him for saving their lives will perplex me every time I see such fawning.

If anyone's more interested in some of the personal stuff, they can read through my posts at Carb Sane Chronicles, but certainly I can't expect that either.   One that might be helpful would be my weight history.

Beginning with the end of that:  After losing and regaining some 60+ odd pounds several years ago, I avoided the doctor and scale completely.  I have no idea how much I weighed, but I weighed about that much for around 2 years and if I can remember the walk-in I went to for poison ivy meds once and they still have the records, I would not be surprised if it was over 300 lbs.  Having "topped out" I was in some ways coming to think I would just have to learn to be happy as a fat person.  I may well have had some health problems, but they weren't diagnosed.  I healed well when I had some oral surgeries, didn't get sick often and never for very long, and had normal blood pressure so it just wasn't pressing.  Still, my ankles would swell and I did get winded really easily but these were more comfort issues.  Gone were the racing heart issues that plagued me during the last stint and at least contributed to my going off low carb.  

As a former tomboy and athlete, and girl with an hourglass figure even at higher weights (especially?), my body was foreign to me though.  The rare photographic glimpses revealed a woman I did not recognize.  This just wasn't me.  It was a picture of me taken in April 2007 that was that "a ha" moment.  I had literally had conversations in my head with myself over the year prior about trying to reverse this -- it boiled down to this:

If I'm going to gain it back, it's not worth losing.  Can I keep it off?

There's something especially demoralizing about losing a ton of weight and regaining it all.  It's like a bazillion times worse, or it was for me, than just being that fat.  I couldn't put myself through it again.  I knew my track record for maintenance was shit.  I dithered for a few months more after seeing that picture.  I don't know the day I started or what finally clicked, but one day I just said I'm going to do this.  My promise to myself:  However much I lost, it wasn't coming back.  Ever.  Even if I only lost 20 lbs.  NOT negotiable.

I knew that seeing a 3XX (which would have spun my analog scale fully past 360 degrees) or anything over a 260 would devastate me.  I knew losing 50 lbs and still having that weekly reminder that I weighed 230 or something like that would just discourage me.  So I decided not to weigh.  I also decided not to measure.  Inches lost can be motivating for some, but again, I don't think having a waist measurement well over 40", maybe even 50" was something I wanted to be reminded of.  I knew my pants size, however, and there's really no ignoring that one, so I devised my "skinny jeans" method which was basically this:  I like a certain brand cotton twill pants with a touch of stretch - they are available year round and affordable.  So I bought a pair of one size smaller than what I was wearing.  Every couple of days or so I would try them on.  You would be surprised how much better a gauge this is than even measuring.  Once I could wear size "-1" in public, the larger size went in the drawer and I went to the store to buy a new "-1".  I think most of us ladies have struggled with sizing being so varied between brands and styles, so the key was to have one brand/style to gauge progress.  I tossed all +2's, in retrospect I could have tossed the +1's too, I never needed them.  Whenever I might wear looser clothes I would keep myself "honest" by putting those "skinny jeans" on.  I would put them on before washing/drying and after.  Why?  You know how a tight fit can play with the head, but you also know you can't gain/lose in the hour or so to launder and dry.

Next the diet.  The plan had to be doable and sustainable.  I devised my VLC with planned cheats  method as I've described.  Having done Atkins twice before, I just did it from memory with a few changes.  I didn't read any books (long ago lent out and never got back my copy of Atkins).  I didn't look for low carb recipes or substitutes.  Gone was the no caffeine for one.  Also, I decided it was pretty silly to obsess over the carbs in veggies so I didn't limit those (non-starchy) at all.  I did recall the carb content of fruits too high so I didn't eat much of that.  Mostly I allowed one "carb" a day such as a low-carb tortilla, a Lindor truffle, etc.  I ate 2% cottage cheese quite a bit (because for $4 and change I can get a 3 lb tub at Costco!) and didn't fret the carbs.  

My cheats, rather than hampering losses, seemed to prompt the "whooshes".  They never really hampered losses, that's for sure.  I found that without Herculean efforts, I *could* eat just about anything AND stay in control.  Food has not ruled me since I made this mindset adjustment.  No food has control over me.  I control what food goes in my mouth!  I believe food addiction & carb addiction are psychological - "diet mentality", grass is always greener, self-fulfilling prophecy - not physiological.  I have binged on amounts of food that are more than embarrassing to admit.  I haven't binged in a decade.   My phantom candida didn't make me eat like I used to.

My next approach might surprise some:  I set no goals.  I had no timeframe in mind for when I wanted to be a certain size by, etc.  What was the point?  It's not a race.  There's no prize for getting there faster unless you're a contestant on TBL.  I didn't discuss my weight loss or diet with anyone but my husband and even then it wasn't often.  I didn't log or journal or blog or anything.  I just went about my business of eating VLC - which meant not eating a lot - as many days as I comfortably could.  I was down from 20W's to 14W's by late August 2007 and by Jan 08 I was in regular 14's.   The progression was 16W-14W-16-14 which plays with the mind a bit but I got over it.  By March I was in 12's.  By May 2008 I could squeeze into 10's.  The bottom half of me sort of stabilized out from there but I did continue to lose a bit to where those 10's were a "legit fit" sometime in Sept/Oct 2008 ... and then the plateau. 

The previous time I low carbed my way down to 12's was when I had the health issues: racing heart, "skiddly feelings", nausea, tingling.  Regardless of what people might think, I've not bought into the fat is unhealthy crap or LDL clogs arteries nonsense or eggs will kill ya hysteria.   So it was with some trepidation that I undertook the VLC approach this time, and it's probably fair to say lingering fears didn't prevent me from exercising, but they probably played a role in me not being in any rush to do any either.  For whatever reason, I only had this feeling once or twice this time.  Thankfully!

Frankly, I'm not alone amongst the obese.  I didn't really care if my diet was "healthy" - anything probably had to be better than what I was eating, and losing the weight was definitely the best thing I could do for my health anyway.  But as my weight/size stabilized out, I started to think about the long haul a bit more.  It was then, about this time two years ago, that I found the "LC Web".  For whatever reason, I lurked in many forums, but just found Jimmy Moore's LLVLC board a little different and became a rather prolific poster and reader going by the name Low Carb Cheater.

I've shared some things that happened to me from low carbing and these are very real and disturbing changes.  The first time I lost weight on Atkins the body change was evident.  I always lost weight from my midriff first, ALWAYS.  The first time I started out weighing somewhere 200-210 wearing a size 16-18 and ended up 40 lbs lighter wearing size 8's.  Any other time in my life when I fit size 8's I would be flaunting my midriff.  Now I was embarrassed by that remaining belly roll.  Low carbing causes ME to store what fat I do in my upper body.  My imaginative friend at Peter's wondered how I could Rip Van Winkle my way back up 100 lbs.  Part of it was that when one is married to a man who loves you at any weight but is also gaining weight himself, it's easy to gain a lot of weight.  But part of it was probably due to avoiding the scale and judging by pants size that always sorta stopped me at that 200-210 max for darn near 2 decades of yo yo dieting.  Due to the weight shift my pants sizes were not going up as fast as my body was packing on fat.  You see, this time I was probably in the 250 range  before I finally hit the size 16/18 jeans.  When you're a sweater/knit top girl, and you start wearing longer sweaters, say goodbye to fitted and belted stuff, and live in baggy T's and sweats, it's easy to pack on upper body weight.   Less baggy is harder to detect day to day than truly tight!  I started Atkins stint 2 wearing 20W's weighing around 270.  When I lost down to 12's I got brave enough to step on the scale.  I was horrified to discover I weighed 209!  How could that be??  When I piled the weight back on again, the same thing happened pounds faster than pants size.  In my 20W's I was bigger than ever on top.  What former "fat dresses/tops" I had left from before the weight loss were way too small.

See, before low carbing I always struggled to find pants at any size but especially when I got in the 16+ range.  By the time my thighs fit into the legs, the waists were gapping and I'd look like I was wearing hip waders.  Now?  I graduated to the Plus departments and department stores and I didn't have this problem.  Bottom heavy WAS me.  Top heavy IS me.

So now I'm a pretty solid size 10 although I'll wear larger sizes in most tops.  I still have the pants I wore at 160-170 lbs after Atkins I and just got rid of the bras dug up in my move/purge.  Size 8 pants, 34C regular cut bras.  Those pants sorta fit: legs just fine, painful to button on waist.  This is probably TMI, but now I'm a full-cut 36D - for the males in the audience, not all bra sizes are the same, regular cut bras don't fit me.  I'm smaller in any ways then when I got married 15 years ago, but I doubt I'll ever fit into the fitted bodice of my wedding dress.  ALWAYS in the past when I lost weight I lost my boobs.  I swear if anything they're getting bigger!  From an appearance POV, I guess men prefer this shape more.  I've not gotten compliments from and been hit on more by men like I have in this past year in my entire life, save for my freshman year in college.  And not just any old men, but attractive and young men!  

So anyway ... nice as that is, wouldn't you be concerned if your body type changed so much from one that is generally considered to be protective against heart disease to one that is generally considered more risky?  Another shocker awaited me when I finally weighed around 2 years ago.  Ironically enough, 209!  I wanted to cry!  I posted about it at Jimmy's long before I ever even thought of blogging or anything of the sort.  How could I be even smaller than before and weigh that much?   I am more muscular than most women, and my bones are awfully dense, but still this was a shocker.   I photograph "fat" IMO, but there are enough people in my life who have no reason to lie who estimate my weight at 150-160 ... including the nurse who weighed me who put the block at 150 and started lightly tapping the weight along the bar (until I told her to slide it on down!)

So I poked around the web and looked around to see if I was an oddball or not.  I've not encountered anyone else who experienced this dramatic redistribution of weight, but in other ways I saw some things that bothered me as to where I might be headed.

1. Most formerly overweight/obese low carbers are heavier than is ideal for their frames - that would include me depending on the standard applied - and are still obese or significantly overweight.  You can rationalize that away all you want, but its simply a fact.  Sorry, but Peter/Hyperlipid, Kurt Harris/PaNu and Mark Sisson/Primal to name three don't count.  
2. There are darned near nigh female low carbers at all, let alone around my age who have maintained a normal bodyweight following considerable weight loss.  This is what I'm interested in, because Mark Sisson's abs do nothing for me in my situation.  I about fell out of my chair when I first saw a picture of Laura Dolson - the woman who doles out low carb advice on About.com.  And I'll not mince words or worry over hurting feelings here of women who put it out there and make at least part of their living advocating low carb.  Both Dana Carpender and Amy Dungan have gained back significant weight over time and lost it/gained it, etc.  I'm interested in maintaining, not yo-yoing.  Both were overweight in 2009 when I first heard of them.  Amy has gained back all her weight and is trying once again.  Dana blogs regularly about gaining developing LC recipes and fighting against regain.
3. Reluctantly, several long time low carbers admit regaining despite staying low carb.  This, frankly, is scary.  Because CRD'ers regain when they start eating more again or dial back the exercise.  If maintaining eating habits still allows for regain, that's disturbing.
4. At a time when I was suffering a bit of LC burnout (aka boredom, certainly no desire to go even lower carb) instead of finding a bunch of Atkins ladder climbers, I instead found increasing restriction in long term low carbers.  I was not then, nor am I now looking for a MORE extreme diet!
5. Jimmy Moore's forum was dominated by KimKins refugees.  Many women who had lost a lot of weight on that plan and most of whom gained it all back.   Lots of names gone now, every now and then a few return to recommit.  Some KK'ers or not, seem to lose and gain the same 5-10-20 lbs on challenge after challenge after challenge.  I wish all of these people who might read this well, but, frankly, seeing this was and is depressing to me.  
6. There are a lot of women for whom low carbing is not working but they keep re-committing to it over and over because they are convinced it is the only healthy way to eat.  The only advice I never got was to perhaps eat more carbs.  I mentioned considering going on a WW-style diet once and recall a rather snooty reply - as if you think THAT's going to help!  
7. Women closer to goal weight tend to get frustrated and leave low carb because it doesn't work for them.
8. More recently I've seen three female low carbers reveal that, despite almost a decade (Mary Titus, black57 on Jimmy's), a decade (Amy Dungan) and 15 years (Dana Carpender) of low carbing, they have nonetheless been diagnosed as prediabetic (Mary & Amy) or with PCOS (Dana).  Others have shared escalating blood pressure and worsening of lipid profiles.  How can they still be so sure their WOE is "healthy"???
9. The grandaddy of all Atkins weight loss success stories, yes, Jimmy Moore, had regained almost 80 lbs from his low weight or 1/3rd of his 180 lb weight loss.  I thought it had crept on slowly, but that was not to be the case.  Jimmy has lost and regained well over 300 lbs in 20-30 pound "excursions" in the past five years.  With all due respect, no WOE that includes such yo-yo-ing is healthy.

Really I started researching because I wanted to convince myself that my WOE was healthy for me.  And I wanted to (and still do) lose a bit more weight.  Two years ago I could not have envisioned that I would be eating the way I am today.  The VLC/cheats was my new normal in 2009.  Being the former scientist that I am, and there being so much high minded science around the low carb web, I started doing some research of my own.  

Who was this Gary Taubes?  What was this nonsense about requiring insulin to store fat, etc.  So much of what I was hearing just didn't sound right from my recollection of Biochem and A&P.  Dr. Eades?  Who's that?  I must say, early on, Eades' writings were rather impressive.  After the 6 Week Cure (ummm ... is the irony lost on fans, that these two long term low carbers GOT bellies they needed to "cure"??  If not low carb, surely 12 minutes a week or whatever of slow burn should have sufficed, right?) and his disgraceful showing trying to dismember Anthony Colpo (ummm ... he doesn't look like he needs any belly fat cures), the bloom was off that rose.  Who knew I had lost all that weight doing low carb the wrong way!!

It was actually a discussion on Jimmy's that culminated in this blog.  You see I used to post quite a few referenced posts there.  But they were scattered about threads and Jimmy's search function frankly stinks.   As I read and read more, my HD filled up with PDF's and my bookmarks with links.  And then I read about NEFA and SCD.  Now, some may still think my concerns trivial, but you would have to live in THIS body and gone through a few of these things, perhaps, to understand that I would rather take my chances getting that ambulance ride before I leave the planet.  The more and more I read about IR, and look around at long term low carbers who can't even process a teaspoon of sugar properly let alone the 50-75g common for an OGTT, the less confident I became of low carbing being as healthy as its cracked up to be.  Folks, that IS diabetic.  Just because you don't have raging hyperglycemia because it's hard for the body to generate that amount of glucose, doesn't mean your pancreas is functioning properly and we don't know the long term consequences of IR in other tissues.  

Both of my grandmothers lived good long relatively healthy lives.  One died of good old fashioned old age.  I remember one granny most for mallomars, scooter pies and Frosted Flakes.  I remember the other eating a large slice of pumpernickel bread with cream cheese and a beer every evening for supper on my summer visits.  I look at Jack LaLanne and so many long lived celebs and they all ate carbs.  

I've been taking a lot of flack for dispensing misinformation and advice here.  And somehow my real name and before/after pics is important because that will show how it has worked.  Look at who is actually doing that for a living folks.  What examples are they setting?  How do you know it's healthy?  I look around and do not find good role models.  Taubes won't even take a cholesterol test on Oz or divulge that info to his readers.   Where are the before/afters for the Drs. Eades?  To his credit, Jimmy is probably the most forthcoming, moreso than is necessary even perhaps, of all but his pictures are disturbing to me.

Were I to give advice - and you can take it for what it is, one woman who's been through it all - I would say use low carb as you are able to to drop weight as fast as is possible.  Your body has plenty of fat so there's no reason to eat much of it at all.  Eat just enough to not feel deprived and no more.  When you get to your goal, SLOWLY work starches you can handle (e.g. avoid wheat if you're sensitive) in at maintenance.  Focus on strategies for maintaining insulin sensitivity - THAT is the key, not low insulin levels pe se.    I would not advocate VLC for maintenance, and I believe it's probably not a good idea to cycle to great extreme.  In calorie deficit my concerns are probably mitigated, but in balance I've just come across too much that concerns me to where I'm not willing to experiment with my life. 

Listen to your body and try to get your nutrition from food.  So many low carbers take a page long list of supplements.  I ask, if your diet is so healthy, why?  Stop thinking like a bipolar orthorexic.  Not eating VLC real foods doesn't mean the only other way to eat is VLF processed ones.

Finally, wake up and open your eyes.  Money flows in all direction and I have NEVER begrudged anyone making money for their efforts.  Who knows, perhaps I'll give it a go someday too.  That was not the issue with Taubes.  What I've said is that financial interests have clouded his judgment and prevented him from setting the record straight.  Not that he's just in it for the money.  That's his chosen profession.  There's a difference.  Does anyone think his blog exists for any purpose other than to sell books?  Really?   GCBC was a poorly referenced work with outdated sources and outright misrepresentations of what some of those sources actually said.  He didn't do as he says and follow research forward in time.  He interviewed scientists without reading much if any of their works.   He is responsible for a huge amount of misinformation on the web and I only wish someone with more clout than I have had checked some of those references sooner.   At this point, after his email, it was Gary who made it "personal".  I don't hate the man, but I do dislike him.   Since he's the most prominent voice spreading the most disinformation, naturally I'm going to address him more frequently.  If people really think using a $ in his name on a couple of posts is unethical or a blow to the nuts or unprofessional, so be it.  I don't do this as a "profession" and many of these same accusers will go way further insinuating whole legions of researchers and doctors who only want to make you sicker for their profit, including, most recently, some truly disgusting posts about Dr. Oz.  (Again, no fan, but I don't think he's advocating his diet to increase OR traffic.)

Sorry for the length of this.  If you made it to the end, I hope at least it was worth my time and you understand a bit more about what drives me.  If you want to believe I'm something other than I've stated, there's not a lot I can do.  I'm satisfied that I'm able to discuss with and help those others who come here and email me.  

THANK YOU READERS.