las

Welcome all seeking refuge from low carb dogma!

“To kill an error is as good a service as, and sometimes even better than, the establishing of a new truth or fact”
~ Charles Darwin (it's evolutionary baybeee!)

You Need to Check into the Asylum if ...

OK everyone, please channel your inner Jeff Foxworthy -- of "You Might be a Redneck" fame -- while reading the list below.   Please do check and make sure your funny bone isn't bruised or broken before proceeding.   In no particular order, and far from complete ...  

If you've ever ....
Counted the carbs in celery, cucumbers, lettuce or spinach
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Freaked out over your blood glucose level going over 120 mg/dL after eating
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Binged on an entire bag of macadamia nuts and consoled yourself by noting that it was only 15g of carbs
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Blamed a few strawberries for a weight loss stall or weight gain 
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Freaked out over finding HFCS on the label of a product containing 0-1g carb
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Eaten something with the first ingredient glycerin (aka the stuff of soaps and suppositories)
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Called tomatoes fattening
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Added coconut or MCT oil to your coffee as a supplement
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Added a half cup of dressing to your big ass salad and blamed the veggies for the weight gain
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Experienced a hypoglycemic attack and not eaten a few carbs to end it
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Been a dude checking  your ketostick and discovered you're preggers
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Gone on a binge after your ketostick registered negative so all is lost anyway
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Agonized over whether to buy the low carb wraps with  7g carbs vs. 5g carbs
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Bought the wraps with 5g carbs even though they taste like crap and you really like the 7g ones
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Decided to binge because you found out a sauce you had at a restaurant contained a little sugar
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Uttered the words "Gary Taubes tells us ..."
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Argued there's no such thing as an essential carbohydrate in defense of a VLC lifestyle                                                                    
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Added lots of fat to chicken with the skin on because it's too low fat otherwise
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Thought adding lots of fat to carbs is an effective weight loss strategy because it might reduce the BG response 
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Eaten any fake chocolate sweetened with anything but good old fashioned sugar instead of Lindt Lindor truffles
... you need to check into the Asylum  (really, you need to!)

If you've ever ....
Added more fat and calories to your diet to break a weight loss stall
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Thought Eades won the smackdown with Anthony Colpo
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Reacted horribly every time you've tried low carb but insist on trying one more time
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Weighed the same weight (or worse gained weight) eating low carb but are petrified of trying something else
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Uttered the words "calories don't count" 
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Used the term "entropy" or claimed that the Second Law of Thermo negates the first in living beings
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Claimed that the First Law of Thermo doesn't apply to living beings because we're not closed systems
... you need to check into the Asylum



If you've ever ....
Claimed that eating that 21st or 51st or 101st or 151st gram of carb is the cause of weight gain or stalling
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Eaten flax as a hot cereal 
... you need to check into the Asylum (it's just disgusting folks!)

If you've ever ....
Claimed that a few grams of insensible water weight loss on low carb constitutes a metabolic advantage
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Claimed you're fat because you listened to the USDA
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Claimed low fat made you fat
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Eaten any "bread" item made with cheese and dipped/topped/filled it with more cheese 
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Uttered the words "cephalic insulin response" and blamed it for weight issues
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Blamed too much protein on your low carb diet for weight gain/stalls
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Claimed Atkins was right all along
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Claimed ELMM (eat less move more) has been debunked 
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Claimed calorie restriction doesn't work for weight loss but implemented a fasting protocol
... you need to check into the Asylum

If you've ever ....
Equated Weight Watchers to the SAD
... you need to check into the Asylum



Feel free to add suggestions in comments and I'll include when I update!

24 comments:

rkoffler said...

If you ever wondered what all those acronyms mean, there's a post for it (although it doesn't have a complete list of said acronyms).

Steph said...

Ruined recipe after recipe wrestling with coconut flour rather than just baking conventionally and downshifting your total cake consumption a bit...

Steph said...

If you've ever disregarded cold bones, thinning hair and depression because - whoo! - you broke a plateau!

justjuliebean said...

The only one I even half claim is that low-fat made me fat. I went to town on Snackwells! And when I tried to lose weight, I tried to eat no fat at all, and it was a disaster. I think fat is tasty, and I get satiated quicker when I eat it. Or is that protein? I don't know, but it seems that I would always be hungry. I love me some carbs, too!

CarbSane said...

Welcome justjuliebean! Perhaps we need a Snackwells exception there ;-)

LynMarie Daye said...

If you've ever...

instructed your significant other not to allow medical personnel to start you on a glucose drip if you were to suddenly fall ill and become unconscious

... you need to check into the Asylum

;~)

I also wanted to say how nice it is around here! A touch of girliness but not too much to scare off the men.

CarbSane said...

Good one LMD and Thanks! Kinda scary that I've seen folks talk of refusing such treatments.

Yeah, Steph, those whooshes trump feeling "right" every time, eh? I suppose every milligram counts as your hair falls out. And oh those experiments with coconut flour are awefully expensive ruinations at that! :(

ejazz1 said...

Very funny, I've never used or thought about using low carb, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2004 weighed 323 lbs, also had hypertension and a high cholesterol level, I changed my diet following the dash diet eating plan,I chose dash because it addressed all my health issues. I lost 150 lbs and have maintained the weight loss, my diabetes is under control, in fact my yearly a1c test has been 4.2 for the last six years. Blood pressure is normal and cholesterol is a lot lower. What I like about your blog is the objectivity I find and not blind allegiance to one particular viewpoint. I've been on several diabetes forums and I've heard similar comments especially concerning Gary Taubes.

CarbSane said...

Thanks ejazz! Nice to have you here :-)

ailz said...

I've just joined you after following Gary Taubes for a few months and wanting to know more, rather than just taking his word for it. I've tried most diets - and failed at them all. Now I seem to have stalled on low carb too.

CarbSane said...

Welcome ailz! There are many here who have had some or considerable success with weight loss and helping others. You might want to post an intro with your history over at the discussion boards. Maybe we can pick our collective brains and offer constructive suggestions moving forward. Just click on "Meeting Rooms" tab on the top of the page! Hope to see you there :-)

Woodey said...

I wish that I had come here sooner. I think I would have saved myself a lot of heartache and frustration. I love how you cut through the bull and get to the heart of the matter. I just got done with a two week binge after dealing with almost a year of strict dogma low carbing. I avoided fruit and vegetables thinking that it was all carbs anyhow and would make me fat. When I didn't get the results I wanted and actually started gaining weight because I couldn't stick to the vlc mantra I went nuts. I basically set myself up to fail. Now I have to deal with the aftermath and pull myself together and try again, this time with some sanity.

Sandy Daigler said...

I just found you through Weight Maven. Lots of new ideas to chew on! I lost 100 pounds and have been maintaining that loss for 4-1/2 years. I don't follow a very low carb diet, but I do limit carbs to about 100 grams/day. I'm not crazy about it, though I do fear pasta! Does fear of pasta qualify me to check in? (Reading your bio, I see we have the same alma mater, RPI. I went to the School of Architecture.)

bob said...

If I dip my Snackwells in coconut oil or smear them with bacon fat before eating, can I join the inmates in the asylum?

pbo said...

Been reading your blog for awhile, but never read this page.

Great stuff! Hahaha! Love it.

Evelyn aka CarbSane said...

Glad you enjoyed ... which reminds me I need to update the main page!

AL-209 said...

If youve ever considered a morbidly obese man a dietary guru...? :)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious.

Evelyn aka CarbSane said...

For some reason, Disqus comments do not cover pages. If you post a comment here and it doesn't post, please alert me in comments on any blog post or email me at carbsane at gmail dot com. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Hitler finds out he has gained fat on a low-carb diet
http://youtu.be/773hzYEq22s

Sarah said...

How about....
if you ever did 5 colonics a week because you were told that you were overweight because your "Colon was toxic"... you belong in the asylum?

or...
If your doctor (who actually wasn't a doctor anymore because he lost his license in a mal-practice suit) told you to eat a jar of raw butter to cure your bleeding intestines.... and you did it... you belong in the asylum.

or...
if when doing a Cleanse you get headaches so debilitating you can't function and think this is a sign of "de-foxing" and not "starvation", you belong in the asylum.

Do I belong here? I definitely add cheese to cheese bread.

Pérola said...

I was wondering why I couldn´t leave the platô behind me if I was doing everything right. Every time I tryed LCHF diet after one and half months I stopped losing weight and the response of all world to me is that I should restrict dairy or eggs or try to count calories, improve exercises...So frustrating...I´m glad I found this blog and all the information...Of course, after get into the scale and see that I didn´t lost weight or even gain some I ate compulsively and felt more frustrade and more depressed and trying again to go LCHF and all the routine began...Not a life that I want for me! Again, thank you!!! I´m brazilian and here Paleo Diet is coming all the way and becoming a fever...

Evelyn aka CarbSane said...

Nice to have you here Perola!

Pérola said...


Thank you Evelyn!!! :)

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